Declining Invitations

A lot of my friends in San Diego say that I'm a flake.

I beg to differ.

You can't be a flake unless you agree to do something and then back out. I never commit to hanging out with them in the first place!

This is usually because they want to do something that requires me to drive for 20-30 minutes, which seems to me like some cruel form of torture.

Consequently, I'm much more social when I live in Tokyo. Hanging out sounds a lot more fun to me if all I have to do is hop onto a train to see people.

Still, there are times in Japan when I'm invited to do something that I can't do (or just don't feel like doing).

In such situations, we have...

🚫 Japanese for Declining Invitations 🚫

Generally speaking, declining invitations seems a lot easier to do with Japanese people compared to with friends and family in the US. In the US, my conversations tend to unfold like this:

Friend:
Hey, let's do [boring thing] on Saturday.

Me:
Saturday? Sorry, I can't. I have other plans.

Friend:
What kind of plans? Cancel them! I never see you!

Me:
I have to... uh... work...

Friend:
On Saturday? Forget that. Live your life. I might die next week. You're a terrible person. I called your mom and she said you're not working on Saturday. Also, I told everyone you're coming and they're really excited to see you.

Me:
*screaming internally*
Just let me stay home and play video games in peace!

Compare that with how a conversation with a Japanese friend in Tokyo might unfold:

Friend:
Hey, wanna do [really fun thing] on June XX (three weeks from now).

Me:
That sounds awesome. Unfortunately, I have other plans. But please invite me again sometime!

Friend:
Yeah, of course.

Now, I shouldn't generalize, because I'm sure there are Japanese people who will demand specific, plausible evidence that you're unable to accept their invitations.

Likewise, there are people in the US that won't demand an explanation for you being unable to hang out.

But my personal experience has been that most people in Japan don't pry, which means that declining invitations is a lot less stressful.

This also means that we can memorize...

Set Phrases for Declining Invitations

Below we have listed a number of ways that one can decline an invitation to do something.

Even if the language in these sentences is too difficult for you, I recommend saving these sentences in your phone somewhere.

Then you can just copy and paste one of them the next time you'd like to turn down an invitation!

Straight-A students, however, will look at the language breakdowns and try to memorize a few of these so that they can be used on the fly, from memory.

OK. Go time...

Useful Vocab

Here are some uber-useful words for declining invitations. All of them will appear in our examples below. They're also common words in general, so learning them is recommended...

予定（よてい // plan; arrangement; schedule）
約束（やくそく // promise; engagement; appointment）
先約（せんやく // previous engagement; existing plans）

予定がある（よていがある // to have plans）
約束がある（やくそくがある // to have an appointment）
先約がある（せんやくがある // to have previously made plans）

残念（ざんねん // unfortunate; disappointing）
残念ながら（ざんねんながら// unfortunately）
残念ですが（ざんねんですが // unfortunately; it's unfortunate, but...）

誘う（さそう // to invite）
参加する（さんかする // to participate; to join）

🍺 Casual 🍺

🍺 Casual 🍺

🍺 Casual 🍺

🍺 Casual 🍺

👔 Formal 👔

🍺 Very Casual 🍺

👔 Formal 👔

Note that it can help to add "Thanks for inviting me" along with your refusal of an invitation.

That would be...

🍺 Somewhat Casual 🍺

👔 Formal 👔

👔 Formal 👔

This is probably the most difficult sentence in the lesson. This せっかく is hard to translate, but it means something along the lines of "going out of your way to..." or "going to the trouble of..." or "expressly (inviting me)..."

Also, this により is a lot like のため, which some of you may be familiar with. It basically means "due to" or "because of."

Speaking of which, notice how vague this response is. A more literal translation of the second half is, "Due to circumstances, I cannot join." This is what I mean when I say that you can get away without giving actual excuses for declining invitations. ^^

👔 Formal 👔

Agh! That was a lot of sentences.

Again, don't worry about mastering all of them if you're feeling overwhelmed. Maybe just pick one or two casual and formal ones and save them for future use.

Or you could stop being so antisocial and start accepting people's invitations more often...